my life my rules

Someone dear to me said that I'm doing absolutely amazing, am happy and all fine as I am. And i need not and should not dig deep into my part trauma or wounds and fix them.  What I really feel is, it's very important to dig out the emotions which were suppressed. Which were covered up with a smile, a micro break, by being busy, by hustling, by just not talking about it. Which were all basically buried.  On the face of it, it looks like we are getting intentionally depressed or choosing to be sad and not moving on in life, dwelling in the past or not seeing the bright things in life.  But the reality is, we are just choosing to do the right thing. Working on it, taking a step completely knowing it is going to hurt, it is going to shake you up, actually coming face to face with your inner demons, which is actually impeccable. 

 I had 2 incidents last couple of months, with kids. As usual, when I meet a kid, somehow there is always something to learn.  So, he is a 5-year-old, and it's his annual day celebrations. These days schools charge a certain amount for the costume and makeup, no more self-tutorials and adjusting clothes available in the home or borrowing cousins' clothes for the event. His mom was all geared up to see him rock and roll on the stage. And trust me, he got some cool moves, shaking those little knees and crossing his tiny hands across.  Not just the money, she had to take some special permissions to make his big day on stage work, so obviously she was excited. Now, time for the big surprise. He went on to the stage, stood at the corner, holding a girl's hand and smiling, and watching the drone above him pass by. Just stood there all the 4 minutes of the song. The mom was running here and there, trying to get a glimpse of him, with her camera, to shoot his cool moves and his f...

 They say that there's a very thin line between ego and self respect.  I'm not mature enough to  1. Understand that line 2. How to draw that line 3. How to understand if someone's crossing that line 4. How to react if I get to know someone's crossing the line 5. Am I crossing that line while conversing with someone.  Keeping all this jargon aside, all I crave for and long for and live for is LOVE.  Some say that I am losing my self respect in the process of accepting someone's love, but what's the big deal about it? When my heart is being filled with love, can't I be a little flexible in accepting someone's ego?

 How do I love you more by ten times,  When my head is already over my heels While kind and gentle are your traits,  You got all correct with your tactics.  Can you see me in all smiles,  When I see you and my heart bounce.  With all the care, you listen to my words, I am here, for you, with all my ears.  The attention you give, with your cute little eyes,  I can never ignore, any which ways.  I think about you a hundred times,  And smile at my own stars..  What can I do with your innocence,  Except to love you leaps and bounds.  The pegs, rides, songs, tears and kisses,  made a life time memories and are ever lasting moments..  You accepted me for who I am never questioned where I came from Why did you make me your bangaram, when my life is in middle of a jam..  Your love is very special, since you made me fall in love with myself.

అది సముద్ర తీరము. సాయంత్రం 5 కావొస్తోంది..  ఆ సముద్రం అంటే నాకు చాలా ఇష్టం..  చల్లని గాలి, ఆ అలల శబ్దం, వొడ్డున కూర్చుని ఎంత సేపైనా ఉండొచ్చు. ఆ  సాయంత్రం  సముద్రం అంత ప్రేమను చూపింది. లోతైన ప్రశ్నలకు సమాధానాలు ఇచ్చింది.  వచ్చి పోయే ఆలోచనలను  ఉత్తేజపరిచాయి ఆ వచ్చి పోయే అలలు. మధ్యలో తకి తాకనట్టు వచ్చే చల్లటి గాలి, నా మనసు లోతుల్లో చెప్పలేని ఎవరికి అర్థం కాని అర్ధం కాని బాధని మాయం చేస్తుంది అనిపిస్తుంది.  ఇన్నాళ్లు అది ప్రకృతి కు ఉన్న శక్తీ అనుకున్నా... కానీ, అదే ప్రేమ, అదే సమాధానం, అదే ఉత్తేజం మంచి మిత్రులతో గడిపిన క్షణాలు కూడా తెస్తాయి...  ఆ మిత్రులకి ఏదైనా చెయ్యాలి, ఏదో చెప్పాలి, నా కృతజ్ఞత చెప్పాలి అనిపించింది.. కానీ ఏమీ చేయలేక, వారిని పుట్టించిన ఆ భగవంతునికి, ఆ కన్న తల్లి కి మనస్పూర్తి గా నమస్కారం చేశా.. 

You are my secret truth, which is the sweetest lie.. You are my darkest reality, existing in the brightest of the suns.. You are my emotion, which I wish to carry to my grave... You are my smile, which shows that life is worth loving..  You are my tears, questioning my very existence .. You are my reason, to survive and swim through hard times.. You are my hope, to live one day more, a little more..